Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Yo, it's fine

This motherhood thingy is tough at times. You long for a cute little baby to dress up and take for walks in sunny parks - then before you know it you are exhausted from all that they need. They kind of need feeding, washing, educating (stuff like that!). I am almost eight years in so I now consider myself an expert, qualified, someone who wings it on a daily basis. So in my advice-giving mode I would just like to say:

Yo, it's fine...
  • accidentally forget to change the baby's nappy for five hours so it looks like a blow up pillow
  • be a bit (a lot) bored pushing the children on the swing
  • say you have a work deadline so your man has to do bath time and then get a bit lost in Facebook
  • remember a school party ten minutes before it starts and have to nip to Tesco for a card and ten pounds cash back
  • serve beans on toast every once and a while 
  • laugh when the children jump on your husband as he walks through the door begging him to play on the trampoline *so long sucker*
  • Febreze the uniforms after you forgot to get them out of the washing basket all weekend
  • say "yes that's fine" when they have eaten one pea and half a boiled potato because you just can't be bothered with the argument sometimes
  • hide the My Little fecking Pony DVD in the bin
  • start counting down the minutes to bedtime from 3.30pm tea time
  • do the school run in your gym gear and then change your mind and go home and eat jam on toast
  • let them watch back to back Scooby Doo while you watch Made in Chelsea in the other room
  • secretly check out Twitter whilst listening to them read before bed
  • borrow money from their piggy bank to pay for your take away/the window cleaner
  • bribe the children with chocolate buttons so they don't tell daddy that you swore in the car (again!)
  • bribe the children with chocolate buttons so they don't tell daddy that you gave them beans on toast (again!)
  • finish off their homework at 8.35am the morning it's due in
  • ensure you get the Friday feeling by cracking open a beer tinnie at six o'clock - makes bath time way more fun
  • totally rip this off from Glamour's Hey, it's okay (ssh no one tell them - can't face another scandal. I've only just recovered from the Robbie stalker claims).

Me relaxing before children

Me now relaxing with little friends (or something like it)*

* This was after I started the bicycle pump therapy where someone comes in every day and pumps you up a little bit more - highly recommended if you want feel like poo and to look at old clothes and weep for fun like. All is aces.


  1. Great picture of you! Pre-kid pics can definitely bring tears! :). I tell my kids (and myself) it's fine and you're fine many times a day. If you're a mom doing fine, then you're a rock star in my book!

    1. We are the ultimate rock stars :) x

  2. Awww lovely picture! I am SO GLAD that all of the things on the above list are cool. Because if they're not then I am a VERY BAD MOTHER!! xxx :)

    1. Yeah they are so cool it hurts (I am a wise old woman after all) x

  3. LOVE THIS!!! Especially the 'yo' :) xxx

    1. Yo Bro' - I am down with the kids haha x

  4. ha ;) yeah - all totally fine :))) x (fucking hope so anyway for my own sake! lol) x

    1. We are beyond epic at this parenting stuff - high five us x

  5. So with you on nearly all of these! especially secretly checking twitter - am terrible at that ;) x

  6. Beans on toast EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE?! It's a staple over here... Great post hon x

  7. Ha ha love this. Seen it, done it, worn the t-shirt. Especially checking out twitter whilst faking interest in the latest reading material *ahem*.